Written By Sophia Andreeva
For years, I have been signing all of my business and personal correspondence “Live Deliberately”, and when I opened my matchmaking business, it has turned into “Pursue Love Deliberately”. You might be surprised but the majority of single people are not really clear on what they want – even though they think they are. If you don’t know what you want – you will never get it! Whatever it is you are seeking, you have to define it exactly to yourself, or it’ll never sound clear to the person you are trying to connect with.
Have you heard about Reticular Activator? It is that part of your brain that heightens your awareness of certain things. You buy a red Volkswagen and suddenly you start seeing them everywhere. Pregnant women notice other pregnant women. That’s the sort of thing your reticular activator makes you aware of.
What does this have to do with you? Well, your reticular activator is already turned on. You’re surfing the net finding interesting things. You’ll be finding similarities, thinking provocative thoughts, and maybe making a comment or two on blogs you read.
1) There are numerous problems that prevent people from finding an appropriate mate. One is that they are not exposed to enough potential spouses. (Their sample sizes are not large enough — or their samples are not appropriate.) Perhaps they work too many hours or they are too shy to go to parties. They don’t get out enough. Professional matchmakers keep a special database of possible mates that’s based on particular characteristics and profile elements. They have these people fill out a detailed extensive questionnaire and they rigorously interview them. The best matchmakers are very selective about who goes into the database.
2) Another problem is that singles are not always a good judge of character. They choose to date people that may seem attractive at some level but turn out not to be good marriage material. Professional matchmakers, however, have experience — way more than the typical matchmaking client does. They’ve seen the patterns. They’ve seen the results associated with putting certain types of people together. In some respects, they know you better than you know yourself.
A lot of men and women, just like you, are single and are looking for a serious relationship and love, but tend to attract or are attracted to the wrong people. Not that they don’t know what is what they want to avoid but they cannot avoid it…
The problem is everyone has a pattern they use in the relationships. What we call chemistry is actually sitting deep in unconscious and is hard wired. It determines your relationships choices for the rest of your life. Because of it, you crave specific types of people and situations whether they are good for you or not. You will continue to do this unless you do something to change your hard wiring. You cannot change your wiring by reading a book. If you could you would have exactly the kind of relationships you want by now. Only method that imprint the original primal level and interrupt your original wiring can change your relationship patterns. And that’s in what I do the best.
3) The final problem is that people cannot advise themselves. They just can’t be objective — or diligent — enough. It takes a matchmaker to play the role of coach and drive some sense into some people. Many have unrealistic expectations of their potential mates. It’s the matchmaker’s job to be tough — and drive clarity. One matchmaker mentioned in the piece even scolds her male clients who cannot make up their minds. She’ll say, ”Are you like a little boy in a candy store who can’t decide? Because I’m not here to provide candy. Do you want to get married or not?”’ Indeed, they pay tens of thousands of dollars for this type of treatment.
4) While some people may see hope in the Internet as a vehicle for matchmaking, it turns out that many Net daters tend to lie on their questionnaires. Match.com and eHarmony.com may not be able to effectively link you up if everyone is lying in cyberspace just to get laid. Unfortunately, this happens a lot. When the decision is as high stakes as the person you are going to marry, it may be worth the investment of a several thousand dollars for an annual contract (plus a marriage bonus) to have some personal guidance and attention.
5) Professional matchmaking runs in parallel to world-class selling. Sales people that are considered “eagles” tend to be as trustworthy (and well compensated) as professional matchmakers. Their enlightened self-interest lies not in persuading someone to buy, but rather, in making successful matches. They know their clients well and they also know what needs to happen to make them successful (and happy). Customer intelligence helps companies (and their people) make the right matches.
6) But here’s where the romantic types will resist. They might think it’s not about magic. It’s not about love at first sight. Some professional matchmakers think in rational and objective terms and believe that people should stop their agonized search for soul mates, thinking that a soul mate can be glimpsed in many inappropriate objects: the soul may be located in someone who is too young or too old or too poor or the wrong religion or a convicted felon who is married to your sister. Half of literature concerns the perils of falling for a soul mate: the Victorian heroine runs off with the gardener; Romeo decides he can’t live without the daughter of a family with whom his is feuding. And these tales always end badly, with disgrace and death, so that the normal order of society can be soberly restored.”
Even though the profession of matchmaking is becoming increasingly scientific and left-brain, I would qualify myself as a spiritual matchmaker who does believe in that intuition and experience are still important. I would agree that the matchmaker’s primary weapon is not cupid’s arrow, but rather insight and analysis, but I also consider that the main ingredient for success is THE ART OF SERENDIPITY. I truly believe in Serendipity. This word was coined by the eighteenth-century British writer Horace Walpole, who defined it as “that quality of mind which through awareness, sagacity, and good fortune, allows one to frequently discover something good while seeking something else.” It is an attitude of mind and heart that attracts and enhances joy. I believe in miracles. Do I make miracles all day long matching people? Well, I definitely able to increase their chances of Serendipity to knock on their door and help them meet their True Love. Unlike most matchmakers, my matchmaking approach is very spiritual… I am helping people to get in touch with themselves first – then with their Soul mates.
Are you ready for love? Are you looking for your soul mate? Are you attractive, smart and successful? And are you single? Don’t wait for the future to knock on your door.
Pursue Love Deliberately!
Sophia Andreeva, Seattle Premier Matchmaker and Relationship Expert